Alternate Ending to Fearless
by mygoldeneyedangel
Summary: This is the alternate ending to my story Fearless. If you haven't read that story, you need to read it before you read this. I will warn you, this ending is heartwrenching. Consider yourself warned.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello again! I'm back lol. So here's the alternate ending. If you haven't read Fearless, you really should read that first, this will make no sense if you haven't.**

**For those of you who have read Fearless, this picks up after Chapter 21, Bella, Carlisle and Edward are in the Mercedes on the way to the hospital.**

**I just have to say, this was INCREDIBLY hard to write. I had to stop many, many times. But cuteyangel....this is for you. I hope you all enjoy it.**

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Chapter 22

BPOV

His eyes drifted closed. "Edward," I cried cry softly, "Please don't."

"I'm here," he breathed. His eyes half opened and I gasped in relief.

"We are almost there, my angel. Just hold on a little bit longer. Carlisle," my voice rose to speak to the man in the front seat. "He's still bleeding so much, what can I do?"

"Lift his arm up," Carlisle said through his teeth. "We are just about there."

I lifted his arm, desperate to save him.

I pressed my lips pressed to his ice cold cheek. "Don't leave me Edward, please," I whispered again. His eyes were closed. Those beautiful, haunted emerald eyes that I had fallen in love with the second I saw them were closed. "No," I cried softly. "Sweetheart, please wake up."

The car stopped, but I hardly noticed. I tightened my grip, trying to keep the blood he needed so desperately in his arm. Carlisle opened the door and lifted Edward's limp body into his arms. My heart hammered in my chest as I ran a long side him, not once releasing my hold on my angel's arm.

I ran with Carlisle through the ER, ignoring anyone who tried to stop me. I would not leave him. Carlisle set him on a bed. Then he was shouting at the team of nurses and specialists who had gathered in the room. Someone was trying to pry my fingers off Edward's arm, but I couldn't let go. "Bella," Carlisle tipped my chin up with a gloved finger, forcing me to look at him. "You can let go now, its okay."

I released my grip and immediately blood began to stream from the cut again. I sobbed softly as I backed away from him, holding my chest as I watched Carlisle work. His hands moved competently and I knew he was the best doctor pretty much anywhere. But in my mind all I could see was Edward standing in the gym, blood pooling around him as it poured from the huge gash in his arm. I would never forget the way he looked as he attacked his stepfather. Despite how weak he must have felt, he had attacked him, protecting me and using the last of his strength. And then, he had lain on the ground, his life source continuing to exit his body. So much blood. Could he really live with so much lost?

A terrifying sound filled the room. My heart stuttered to a stop as I watched Carlisle raise paddles and press them to Edward's chest. My angel's body jerked as the paddles were triggered, but still the endless shriek filled the room. My breathes came out in shallow gasps as Carlisle set the paddles down again, Edward's body jerking again. The sound did not stop. His body jerked again. And again. Still nothing changed.

I saw a one of the nurses glance at the clock. "Time of death, 2:15am," he said quietly to a man holding a clipboard.

"NO!" I screamed. "NO!" I shoved my way through the doctors and grabbed Edward. "Wake up," I cried. "Please Edward, please. You have to wake up. Now." I buried my face in his neck and sobbed. "Don't leave me, please, sweetheart, please."

I felt hands on my shoulders, trying to pull me away. "No," I cried again. I lifted my head and clutched Edward's shoulders. I stared at his pale face. "Edward," I gasped, panting now as panic shook my very core. "You have to wake up now." I shook his shoulders. "Now! Wake up. This can't happen, I can't live without you."

"Bella."

I heard Carlisle's choked voice near my ear and I knew he was the one attempting to drag me away from my angel. "Leave me alone," I told him, my voice cracking over the words. "I can't leave him." Maybe if I stayed, if I held him tight enough he'd come back to me.

"Bella, honey, he's gone," Carlisle put his arms around my shoulders. "Come on."

"No," I cried again, softly this time. "Carlisle, please. Make him come back." I turned my tear soaked eyes to the doctor briefly. "Please bring him back." I looked back at him. He was so pale, so still. I sobbed harder. "I love you. I love you Edward, always. Forever." I leaned down and pressed my lips to his cold, still ones. A sob broke through me and I felt Carlisle lifting me away.

I fought him at first, desperate to stay with Edward. "Let me go," I cried, fighting his arms. "Let me go!" I saw someone pulling a sheet over him and I screamed again. "Edward!"

Then I collapsed into Carlisle, my sobs wracking through me. His arms came around me, holding me tight. He lowered to the ground and I felt his hot tears on my neck. My fingers clenched his shoulders as the pain lanced through me.

"I'm sorry," I barely heard Carlisle's cries through my own pain. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save him Bella. So sorry." He rocked us slowly.

"It's not your fault," I whispered shakily. My throat was raw from my screams.

"Dr. Cullen." I heard another man's voice. "Your wife and children are in the waiting room."

"Oh God," Carlisle sighed. "Esme." He pulled away from me and looked at me. "Come on, Bella let's go."

"I don't want to leave him," I whispered. I couldn't look back at the bed, but I couldn't leave either.

"You aren't leaving him honey, you are taking him with you. He'll never leave you." I could see Carlisle was trying to believe his own words as his gaze flickered to the bed. He stood and then helped me to my feet.

Slowly, feeling as if I had aged thirty years in the last thirty minutes, I let Carlisle led me out of the room. Before I left, I looked over my shoulder. "I love you my angel," I whispered one more time. I put my hand over my heart, clutching at my shirt.

In the waiting room, we met Esme. "Carlisle!" she ran up to him. "Is he okay?" She looked at her husband, the horror of the situation dawning on her as she looked into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, darling," he whispered. "He lost too much blood, I couldn't save him."

"No!" Esme cried and she clung to Carlisle. He scooped her up and held her tightly. "My poor sweet boy," she sobbed, repeating the words over and over again.

I looked away from them, still holding my hand over my heart. It was as if I could hold him there, keep him from ever escaping. I turned and saw Alice and Emmett. They were both crying softly, Emmett holding his sister. "Bella," he said, he managed. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head. I didn't think I'd ever be okay again. I went over to them and let Emmett's arm come around my shoulders. We stood in silence for a while. I stared at the white wall, seeing his face in front of my eyes. His messy bronze hair, his beautiful green eyes. His sweet smile. His gentle kiss. Oh God, how was I going to live without him?

I don't really remember leaving the hospital, or the drive back to the Cullens. It seemed as if I blinked and then found myself standing in the foyer.

"Bella," I heard Esme's voice from somewhere behind me. "If you want to take a shower, I'll bring you some fresh clothes."

I gazed down at myself and was slightly shocked to see I was covered in blood. Without a word, I nodded and made my way up the stairs, to the guest bathroom. There, I cranked the water up as high and as hot as it would go. I stripped out of my bloody pajamas and stepped into the hot spray. I had hoped the heat of the water could warm the chill I felt to the core of my being, but it didn't seem to work that way. I washed my hair and scrubbed at the blood on my hands and arms, trying not to think about why the blood was there. Tears began to trickle down my cheeks again. By the time I was clean, I was gasping for air. I grabbed a towel and saw that someone, probably Esme had set a clean pair of sweats and a T-shirt out for me. I pulled them on, tears still streaking down my cheeks.

I needed to be close to him. As I stepped out of the bathroom, I didn't think, I only headed to his room. Then I stood in the door way and tried to breath through the rush of memories that bombarded me.

Lying on the bed and talking, dancing with him, kissing him. I hugged my arms to my chest and I was still freezing. Not thinking about it, I walked to his closet and opened the door. I found his blue hoodie, one he wore a lot and tugged it off the hanger. I wrapped the warm cotton around me and breathed in. Fresh tears pooled in my eyes as I smelled his unique scent. "Edward," I whispered as I pressed my nose into the fabric. I closed my eyes and could almost imagine him holding me.

For now, his room was empty and I went to his bed. I leaned against the headboard and pulled my knees to my chest. I rested my cheek on my knees and tears continued to slide down my face. This can't be real. My mind repeated those words over and over again, and they rattled through my brain.

"Bella." I opened my eyes and saw the rest of his family coming into the room, looking at me with sorrow in their eyes.

Carlisle held out an envelope. I stared at it blankly. "It's for you," he said softly.

I turned the envelope over and saw my name written in his beautiful scrawl. The tears came faster. For a long time, I just stared at my name written by the boy I love.

"Honey, are you okay?" I heard Esme ask me. Her hands smoothed back my hair. I looked up at her and saw the tears running down her face.

"Yeah," I whispered. "I just don't want to open it, you know. These are the last words he'll ever say to me."

"Oh honey," she cried softly. She pulled me to her then, continuing the soothing movements through her hair. "I understand completely." I looked at her hand and saw that she held a similar envelope.

"I just feel like I should known something was wrong sooner," I whispered now. "I should have known. He was acting so strange all day." My voice broke. "I should never, ever have left him. He seemed so scared, so lost." Why did I leave him? _Why?_

"Bella," Carlisle said, putting his hand on my shoulder. "You can't blame yourself. Not for one minute. He wouldn't want that. He died to protect you."

"I know." I did know that. But I wanted to protect him too. "It's just…this shouldn't have happened to him."

"That man, that horrible man had no right," Emmett agreed. I saw his hands turn to fists. "No right to take his life away," he nearly growled.

"Em," Alice said softly, putting her small hands over his huge fisted ones. "There's nothing you could have done to save him."

"Damn it!" Emmett exploded. "Like hell there's nothing I could have done. I'm his big brother!" He jumped off the bed and began pacing. His fist raised and for a second, I thought he was going to punch the wall. At the last second, he lowered his fist and his shoulders sunk in dejected. He went back to his place by Alice. Her arms went around his shoulders and she held her older brother as tears slipped from his eyes. "I should have been able to protect him," he finally whispered.

Their voices began to blur as I stared at the envelope with my name. I wanted to open it, but I didn't. I knew they were the last words he would ever say to me and I couldn't handle that. For a second I imagined what he must have felt as he wrote this letter. Fear, most definitely. God, he was so brave. To go face his monster head on, just to protect those he loved. To go to the gym, knowing what would happen. His words from lunch came back to me. _I dreamt he came back and he hurt you. Bella, it was the most terrifying nightmare because he wasn't hurting me this time, he was hurting you. I can't handle that. _

He had known then, I realized. And he had been trying to tell me why he would go alone. My poor, brave, beautiful angel. I sob broke through me and I turned my face into my knees. Instantly I felt hands on my back, trying to soothe me as the tears once again shuddered through me. I leaned into Esme and let her rock me as she whispered soothingly into my ear. "It'll okay honey," her voice was thick with her own tears. "He was good and innocent and pure."

"An angel," I murmured.

"Yes. He was meant to be ours," she continued, her voice rising to the rest of the people could hear. "I knew from the second I saw him in Chicago."

"I only wish we had found him sooner," Carlisle said sadly. I glanced up at him and saw his arms around Alice. "I wish we could have saved him from the horror he lived."

"I can't believe he was only here for almost three months," Alice put in. "I can't imagine our family without him."

Truer words had not been spoken. I could feel it and I'm sure the Cullens could do. The vast hole, the emptiness and the feeling of everything being incomplete that had been created in his absence.

"I'm glad we were able to give him some happiness though," Alice said, breaking the silence again. "His eyes were so troubled when he first came here. That look had faded."

"So much potential," Carlisle said softly. "He would have accomplished great things."

Esme shifted next to me and I saw the envelope back in her hand.

"You should open it, Mom," Alice said quietly.

She nodded and took a deep breath. Her finger slide beneath the flap and then she pulled the single sheet of paper out. "The police," she said, pausing before unfolding the paper. "Took the letters he wrote was forced to write. I hope they burn them."

I nodded fiercely, remembering Edward's words. _Bella, the letter he had me write, it's not true. Please, don't even read it._

"He told me not to read it," I whispered.

"I can't believe his stepfather actually believed we would think he would kill himself," Emmett said, shaking his head. "Even if we hadn't caught him in the act I still wouldn't have believed Edward would do that. He was so happy, even with the shadows, he was happy here."

It was horrifying really, to think of what his stepfather had made him do. Write the letters, the cut his own wrist open. It made me sick to think about. I hated that he made my sweet Edward do that. Like Emmett said, he had no right.

"Do you want me to read it out loud?" Esme asked now. She had unfolded the letter and I saw Edward's beautiful script across the page.

"Yes, please," Carlisle said quietly. I saw Alice link her hand with Emmett's from her place against Carlisle's chest.

"Okay." Esme cleared her throat and began to read.

_Dear Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Emmett._

_I know you frantic right now, wondering where I am. I didn't mean to worry you, you have given me so much. So please, try to understand that I did what I had to do. My stepfather found me. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. He has been following me and he threatened all of your lives. I couldn't live if something happened to any of you because of me. I don't know how he got out of jail. But, I don't want to dwell on that right now._

_I do want you to know how much you changed my life and how much respect I have for all of you. Thank you so much for opening your home and hearts to me. It means more to me than you can ever imagine. You are all wonderful people and my life was so much better because of you._

_Carlisle and Esme, you are the parents I always wished I had. You have so much love to give and I am lucky to have been given a chance to know you. Even though it was only for a short time, please know that you made my life better._

_Emmett and Alice, I've always been an only child but you showed what it would be like to have a brother and a sister. I found I love being a younger brother. You've also shown me true friendship and for that I will be forever grateful. Please tell Jasper and Rosalie thank you as well for making me feel as if I belonged. I never once felt like an outsider._

_I love you. All of you._

_Edward_

Esme's voice broke several times while she read and tears flowed from every eye. When she finished, silence again descended on the room. The only sound was the occasional sniffle.

My earlier thought came back to me. He was so damn brave. I closed my eyes and tried not to see him writing that letter, his hands probably shaking, tears filling his beautiful green eyes. I tried not to see him walking out of the house for the last time and pulling up to the high school.

Instead, I focused on the happy times. His beautiful face lit up as he led me through a maze. His hands moving over my bare skin as he kissed me, sending tingling sparks all the way to my toes. That boy definitely knew how to kiss. I sighed and snuggled deeper into his sweatshirt. I remember the look in his eyes when he told me he loved me the first time. The way his long fingers glided over the piano, creating the most magical, powerful music that moved my heart every time he played.

When I opened my eyes again, the room was empty and sun streamed through the glass wall. I stretched out, raising my hands over my head as I yawned. For a second I wondered where Edward was and when he was coming back.

Then my hand hit the envelope and it all came crashing back to me. He wasn't coming back, he was gone. Forever. Sobs broke from me again and I curled up in a ball. I brought the envelope up to my face, the reality sinking in as my name blurred in front of my eyes.

After a while, the sobs slowed until it was just the tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. I lifted my head and saw that it was just after two in the afternoon. I sat up and crossed my legs underneath me. I held the envelope and took a deep breath. I was alone. It was time to open my letter. I pulled out the sheet of paper, the tears making it difficult to see. I blinked several times before I was able to focus on the words. As I read, I had to stop many times to wait for my eyes to clear before I could continue.

_Bella,_

_I don't even know what to say sweetheart. I am so sorry that I can not be with you. Do you remember the talk we had at the baseball field at lunch yesterday? What I told you wasn't a nightmare, but reality. He came back and I cannot fight him, not when he is threatening to take away the people that mean the most to me. I will not allow him to hurt you. _

_Be brave, my love. But more importantly, be happy, that is all I've ever wanted for you. Your smile is beautiful and a ray of sunshine in my life. Please don't deprive the world of it. Smile when you think of me and know that no matter where I am, I am thinking of you and the joy you brought to my life._

_Look after my heart—I've left it with you._

_I love you forever and always,_

_Edward_

I traced the words with my finger. "Edward," I whispered to the letter. "I'll look after your heart. I promise. And I'll smile. Someday, I promise that too." I just couldn't promise when. Right now, it seemed impossible that I would ever smile again. I read the words again. And again. And again and again until I had the letter memorized and could see each word perfectly, despite the steady stream of tears.

Very carefully, I slid the paper back in the envelope. I folded it in half and slipped it into the pocket of his hoodie. Then I crawled off his bed and made my way downstairs.

I found the rest of the family in the kitchen. Rosalie and Jasper were there as well. They were sitting at the table, food getting cold from where it sat in front of them. No one ate, no one talked, no one moved.

I saw Carlisle's eyes flicker to me when I entered the room. "Hi honey," he said in a hoarse voice. His eyes were puffy and rimmed with red. I knew mine looked no better.

"Hi," I mumbled.

"School was cancelled for today," he continued quietly.

Like that mattered. I wouldn't have gone to school anyway. "Oh."

"We called Charlie," Esme said now, her voice just as raw as Carlisle's. "He knows you're here. He said it's okay if you stay here for the weekend."

Charlie. Oh yeah. I had forgotten about home. Right now, I couldn't imagine leaving this house. "Thanks," I managed. I turned then and left the kitchen. I walked into the living room, my feet taking me to the shiny black piano. I sat down on the bench and lifted the lid. Gently, I ran my fingers along the ivory keys. I tried to hear my lullaby, but it was faint and slow.

I wrapped my arms around my waist and leaned forward until my head touched the top of the piano. I closed my eyes and focused on the music I had heard him play so many times. It came slowly, but it came back. A poor imitation of the original, but I held on to it, playing it over and over again in my mind, desperate to keep the notes from fading from my memory.

After a while, I got up, my arms never letting go of my waist, and wandered to the living room. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie sat on the couches. The television was on, but it was obvious no one watched. I sat down on the lazy boy chair and pulled my knees up. My arms stayed wrapped tightly around me. My gaze went to Carlisle and Esme. She was leaning against her husband, his hand running up and down her arm. I turned my head and saw Emmett holding Rosalie in a similar position, only her hand tightly held on to his.

I looked away from both of them. Outside, the world turned dark again. I heard Esme mutter something about dinner and her and Carlisle went in the kitchen. Later, I joined the rest of the family, staring at the grilled cheese and soup. Again, most of the food went untouched.

Silently, I helped Esme and Alice wash the dishes. No one spoke, the silence penetrating the whole house. I knew we were all grieving in our own way.

Once the dishes were done, I made my way up the stairs and returned to his room. Again I sat in silence. I had made it through the day. It seemed insane to think that only three months ago, I hadn't known Edward Masen existed. How quickly he had become my whole world, the most important thing to me ever. I couldn't bear the thought that he was gone from me forever. It just didn't see possible. The tears came again as my mind rejected the idea of a lifetime without him. "Edward," I cried softly.

I wanted him back. I wanted his arms back around me, wanted his velvety voice saying he loved me. I wanted to hold his face in my hands and watch the shadows fade from the green depths of his eyes. I wanted to kiss him and run my fingers over his bare skin, his beautiful, scarred chest.

"God," I cried as I turned my face into his pillow. How was I supposed to do this? I willed sleep to come, to give my peace from the painful ache in my heart. I wanted to escape to my dreams where I could be with him. I closed my eyes and tried to force sleep to overtake me. I let myself drift and eventually, I slipped into that peaceful oblivion.

Saturday and Sunday continued much the same way. I wandered the house, drifting from his room, to the kitchen, to the piano. Always to the piano where I would let the notes of my song play in my head, forcing the notes in to the deep recesses of my memory. I would never forget it. I tried to talk to the others, tried to maintain a conversation, but it I always ended up silent.

I know the others were hurting just as much as I was. I saw it in their faces, always pale and streaked with tears. Eyes always red and puffy. Food was made and went mostly untouched. Not even Emmett ate the food.

We had all lost someone, a brother, a son, a friend.

On Sunday night, Carlisle told me he needed to take me home. That I should sleep in my own room so that I would be ready for school the next day. I groaned at the thought, but we, Emmett, Alice and I, had decided that we couldn't avoid school forever and that we should just get it over with.

I followed Carlisle out to his car. I avoided looking at the backseat. I noticed he did the same. "Carlisle," I said, my voice hoarse from disuse. "Thank you for bringing him to me."

"I am so glad he had you," Carlisle said. "You helped him heal so much." He nodded slowly. "I'm glad he was able to know love."

"You loved him too," I said softly. "He knew that."

Carlisle nodded again. "I know. But I'm glad he knew the love of a woman. The devotion and adoration from a girl like you. It makes me so happy to know that he was loved in every way."

"I will always love him," I mumbled, not sure if Carlisle heard me.

But I saw his hands tighten on the steering wheel. "I'm so sorry that I couldn't save him, Bella." His knuckles turned white.

"It's not your fault," I tried to make my voice soothing.

He shook his head. "I should have let you drive to the hospital. I should have tried to save him at the gym. Something!" his voice broke. "My own son died in the backseat of my car."

"You can't blame yourself." My heart broke for Carlisle and I tried to imagine how it must feel, to be a doctor and lose someone you care about the way he had.

"That's what Esme says." He wiped his face with the palm of his hand. "But I can't stop thinking that I should have been able to do something."

I reached over and put a hand on his shoulder. "You did do something," I said softly, hoping I was saying the right words. "You opened your home to him, showed him that he deserved more than harsh words and beatings. You gave him a life."

We pulled to a stop in front of my house. For a long while, we sat in silence. "Thank you, Bella," he whispered. "You have no idea what your words mean to me."

I leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You are a good man. Edward was so lucky that he found you."

"Same goes," he said looking at me. A small smile tilted his lips. "Are you coming over after school tomorrow?"

I nodded.

"Okay honey, I will see you then."

I nodded again and stepped out of the car. I waved goodbye, then headed into my own house. Again, a rush of memories blasted me as I walked up to the front porch. I put my hand in the pocket of his hoodie and gently touched the envelope. My other hand clutched the fabric over my heart.

The door opened as I was going up the steps and I saw Charlie there. "Bells," he said quietly. "How are you doing?" He felt awkward, I could tell. He never knew how to deal with my tears.

"Not so good," I whispered, the tears beginning again.

He nodded and pulled me to him. I leaned against him and closed my eyes. "He was good boy," Charlie muttered near my ear before letting go.

I nodded. "I'm going to go up to my room, k Dad?"

"Sure Bells."

I looked at Charlie for a second. "Love you Dad."

He nodded. "Back at you, kid."

I made my way up the stairs and then lay on my bed. I knew I needed rest. Tomorrow was going to be hell.

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**A/N And I'm crying. Again. Like I said, this was very difficult to write. But, I actually had more ideas for this than I thought, so I think there will be at least one more chapter, possibly more. So what did you think? Let me know. :o)**

**Oh! And who's excited for Saturday!? I can't WAIT to get the DVD. YES!  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and the characters.**

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Chapter 23

The next morning I opened my eyes to another day without my Edward. I sighed as I sat up, rubbing my sore puffy eyes. I lifted the envelope off my nightstand and just like I had done every morning for the past three days, I pulled the white paper out and read the sweet words.

"I love you, too," I whispered to the paper as I finished the short letter. I folded it again and slid it into the envelope. Then I dragged myself out of bed and to the bathroom. For a second I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked horrible. My eyes were blood shot and swollen, my skin even more pale than usual, my hair hung limply around my shoulders. I turned away from the mirror and reached into the shower to turn the water on.

After my shower, I left the bathroom. In my room, I pulled on a pair of jeans, a white T-shirt and after a short debate, Edward's blue hoodie. I picked the envelope up again, fingered my name and then gently placed it in my pocket.

Dressed and as ready as I was ever going to be, I went downstairs to the kitchen. I opened the cabinet and stared at a box of pop tarts. Rejecting the idea of food, I closed the door and went to get my backpack. It lay near the kitchen table, exactly where I had put it when I came home from the Cullen's house on Thursday. Before my entire world had shattered. Tears began filling my eyes again as I picked up the offensive bag.

I made my way outside, turning so I could lock the door. A huge part of me hoped that when I turned around, Edward would be there, standing next to his shiny silver car, waiting to drive me to school. I wished it so bad that my heart stopped when I turned and saw a car sitting by the curb. But then I realized it was yellow and the person standing next to it was a short, pixie like girl.

"Hi Alice," I said as I approached her.

"Good morning, Bella," she said quietly. It was so weird to see the normally hyper Alice so subdued. Her quiet manner just further enforced the reality of what had happened. "I thought we'd go to school together. Emmett and Rosalie are going to meet us there."

I saw Jasper sitting in the front seat of the car. "Yeah, that'd be good."

I climbed into the backseat of the Porsche. The ride to school was quiet. I had no idea what to expect once we got to school. I didn't know what the other students knew or how they would react.

Alice pulled into the parking lot and stopped next to Rosalie's red Mercedes. I got out of the car and went to stand next to the group. Emmett took Rosalie's hand and I saw Jasper do the same with Alice. Then, Alice and Emmett were standing next to me. They reached out and took my hands. The five of us walked towards the school building, our hands joined in a show of strength. I tried to not to focus on the students staring at us as we walked, or the whispers that began as we walked past.

Our group came to halt in front of my first period class. I squeezed Emmett and Alice's hands tightly, then let go. I took a huge breath. "Okay, I will see you guys at lunch."

Alice nodded then reached out to give me a hug. "You'll be fine," she said in my ear.

I turned and entered the classroom. There were only a few students in the room, but they turned to look at me, sympathy and pity in their eyes. I tried, unsuccessfully, to smile at them. I sat at my own desk and pulled out my notebook. I really hoped the teacher had an entertaining lesson planned for today, something that would take the attention away from me.

I opened my notebook and could barely control the sob that wanted to burst from me. I had forgotten. Back in the early days of our relationship, I had given in to my inner teenage urges. The inside cover of my notebook was filled with doodles: his name written in hearts, the words "I love Edward Masen," and "Edward loves Bella." A tear slipped down my cheek and I hastily wiped it away before anyone could notice. I blew out my breath slowly and with a shaky finger, traced the words I had written.

Minutes passed and soon the classroom was filled. The bell rang and I saw Mr. Mason stand to greet the class. He eyes found me briefly and I saw the pity in them. I turned my gaze back to the doodles in front of me.

I heard Mr. Mason clear his throat, but I didn't look up. "Class," he began. "I'm sure most of you have heard about the tragedy that occurred within our community last week." I heard whispers as students acknowledged his words.

I groaned and squirmed in my seat. I really, _really,_ didn't want to talk about this.

"The school has brought in some grief counselors to talk to you and help you understand what happened. Class, this is Mrs. Perkins."

I heard the click of heels against the linoleum floor and I could only assume it was Mrs. Perkins walking to the front of the class. I kept my head down and wrapped my arms around my waist.

"As you know," a soft voice said from the front of the room. "One of your classmates was killed on Thursday evening."

I leaned forward at put my head on my desk. How could they possibly think this was helping?

"Right now, I'd just like to hear your thoughts on what happened. It will help if we talk as a class about him."

No it won't! I wanted to scream.

"He was really smart," someone started.

"And really fast."

"And really hot."

I clenched my teeth together to keep from shouting at them all. Being smart and fast and hot wasn't who he was. They didn't know him, not really. He was just a face at school to them, someone they said hi to in the hallway. They didn't know how beautiful he was on the inside. They didn't know how strong he was or all that he had survived. They didn't know that he had sacrificed everything, including his life for the ones that he loved. He was selfless and kind and caring.

My hands fisted at my sides, clutching the fabric of his hoodie. The conversation continued around me as they shared stories. I could hear sniffles. But I didn't lift my head to see exactly what was going on. First period dragged on until finally, _finally_, Mr. Mason announced the period was just about to end. I heard him thank Mrs. Perkins for her time and that it had really helped. I heard the students around me whisper in agreement.

I disagreed wholeheartedly. That had been torture.

The bell rang and I lifted my head for the first time. I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped. Next to me, a woman with blonde hair looked down at me, pity in her eyes. I am so tired of seeing pity. I glanced down and saw black high heels on her feet. This was Mrs. Perkins. I bit my lip and looked back up at her.

She bent her knees until she was eye level with me. "Mr. Mason told me that you were his girlfriend."

Were his girlfriend. The words hit my hard, shooting a knife my heart. Past tense. I had been his girlfriend. No, my mind cried. I was _still_ his girlfriend. I still loved him. And I knew, no matter where he is, he still loved me. Until the day I stopped loving him, I was still his girlfriend. I swallowed hard and nodded.

I saw her eyes flicker to my notebook, which still lay open on my desk. Again pity flooded her eyes. "I am going to be on campus all day," she said softly. "If you would like to talk."

I shook my head. I didn't need to talk to a complete stranger about Edward. That's what my friends and family were for.

"Okay," she said with a sigh. "But I will be around, if you change your mind. You just need to go to the office and they know how to get a hold of me."

I nodded again, then reached out to close my notebook. I slid it into my bag and stood up. She stepped away from me and I walked out of the classroom.

When I arrived at my next class, I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw my government teacher writing the day's lesson on the board. Obviously the school thought one period of counseling was all the students needed.

Somehow, I made it to lunch. In class, my concentration was shot, but my teachers continued to look at me with pity in their eyes and I knew my poor work would be excused. I met up with my friends in the cafeteria. I could tell immediately that this day was as taxing for them as it had been for me.

"Hey," I said quietly when I sat down next to Alice.

"Hi," they all said.

"I wonder who thought bringing in grief counselors was a good idea," Emmett said, his tone sad and defeated.

"I know," Alice agreed. "They could have at least warned us, or our parents."

"The rest of the school seems to have benefitted," Rosalie said softly.

Emmett snorted. "That's because they didn't really know him. It's superficial for them. They are sad because they know they should be sad. But it's not real to them. Edward was only here for a few months."

I flinched at the sound of his name. "I was thinking the same thing, during first period," I whispered.

We lapsed into silence yet again. I found myself staring at the empty chair at our table and sighed. Up until three months ago, it had always been empty, but I had never noticed it before. Now it was glaringly obvious.

"Do you guys remember, when he first came the way he avoided the cafeteria?" Alice said with a small smile.

"He was so unsure of his place here," I added.

"I'm glad he felt like he belonged," Jasper said. "He said he didn't feel like an outsider."

Rosalie nodded. "He did belong. It was like it was always meant to be the six of us."

"Then why was he taken away?" I asked, the tears flooding back into my eyes.

"Bella," Alice gasped. "I don't know." She shook her head. "I don't know." I felt her hand gently on top of mine.

After lunch, I had biology. It was the class I had been dreading since the moment we decided to come to school. I walked slowly to the lab, each step a struggle. For a second, I stood in the doorway, just staring at the classroom.

I tried to take a deep breath, but it didn't work. Giving up on breathing, I walked to our table and sat down. I stared at his empty stool and tried not to think about the first day I had seen him. I heard Mr. Banner begin his lecture and I stared straight ahead, focusing as best I could on the words coming out his mouth. It was the only way I could keep the pain at bay.

With ten minutes of class left, Mr. Banner wrapped up his talk. "Okay class," he said. "I have the projects that you turned in last week. I have to say, I expected better from most of you. That said, I'm going to pass them back so you can take a look at how you did."

My fists clenched under the table as he began handing back the large pieces of poster board. Seconds later, he came to my table. He put the poster face down on the black surface. For a brief space of time, he caught my eye. For the first time I didn't see pity, I saw only grief. "He had so much potential," the man said softly. "I've never had a student who excelled that way. I'm so sorry."

Then he was gone. I lifted the edge of the poster and slowly turned it over. In the corner, I saw our grade, a bright red A+. Under the letter grade, the words "Remarkable, thank you for your hard work" were written in messy print. I lifted my hand and ran it along the poster, just remembering. I sighed softly and felt a tiny smile touch my lips.

After biology, I headed to my last class of the day. I was halfway there, when I jerked to a stop. I stared at the gym doors and the pain I had been holding back all day crashed down on me. Wave after wave threatened to bring me to my knees. In my mind, I saw my frantic flight through the school as I desperately tried to find him. I saw myself tugging on the gym doors and rushing inside. If I let myself, I could see him falling to his knees, blood spilling from his arm.

I let out a choked cry and ran from the building. I made it to the picnic tables in one of the courtyards when I had to stop. I collapsed on to the bench, yanked my knees up and cried. I didn't care if anyone saw me ditching. No one could force me back into the gym.

They must have known that, because no one bothered me the whole time I sat there. When the bell rang, signaling the end of the day, I released my legs. I stood, wobbling a bit as blood flowed back to my feet. I found the rest of the group easily. We were walking towards the cars when Mike Newton came up behind us.

"Hey," he called. "Can I talk to you guys for a second?"

We all turned and stared at the blonde haired boy. I noticed that his normal spikes fell limply around his face.

"What do you want, Newton," Emmett said harshly. Mike had made it no secret that he didn't like Edward.

"I just," he paused and wrung his hands in front of him. "I just wanted to apologize."

"For what?" I asked.

Mike looked at us in confusion. "You don't know?"

"Know what?" Emmett nearly growled.

Mike shifted and looked like he wanted to run away. "I thought you knew."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Rosalie spit out.

Emmett stepped forward and grabbed the front of Mike's shirt. "Tell me what you are sorry for."

His blue eyes looked around wildly. "The notes. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for giving Edward the notes. I didn't realize."

Emmett shook him. "What are you talking about!" he roared.

Understanding was beginning to dawn and I watched Mike squirm in Emmett's grasp. "I didn't know it was his stepfather. I didn't know that he would kill him! I just thought it was a joke!"

Emmett let go of Mike, shoving him away. Then he reared back and punched Mike with all he had. The smaller boy fell to the ground. "You stupid son of bitch!" Emmett cried. He let lose then, yanking Mike up off the ground, then punching him again and again and again.

I glanced at Jasper, but saw that he made no move to stop Emmett. None of us did. Mike deserved every punch. The full enormity of Mike's words hit me. He gave Edward the notes. If he hadn't, it was very likely Edward would still be alive. Maybe his stepfather would have found another way to get at him, but maybe we would have been able to help.

I watched Emmett punch him again and wished it could be me plowing my fist through Mike's face.

"Mr. Cullen!" Mr. Green's angry form came marching up us. "Let Mr. Newton go right now!"

Emmett dropped Mike, who landed in a pathetic heap at his feet.

"To the office, Mr. Cullen," Mr. Green said, pointing his finger in the direction of the brick building.

Emmett didn't say anything as he walked to the office. The rest of us followed him, prepared to defend him.

A few minutes later, Mr. Green arrived after dropping Mike off at the nurse. Emmett followed him into his office. We sat in silence. A few minutes later, we could hear Mr. Green's voice through the door. "Never had a problem with any of you. Why would you do this Emmett? This isn't like you."

I don't know if Emmett responded, if he did, he answered so softly we couldn't hear. Then the outside door to the office opened and we watched Carlisle enter the small room. He glanced at us and I saw the anger on his face. After Carlisle disappeared behind the door to Mr. Green's office, we all looked at each other.

Ten minutes later, the door opened again and Carlisle walked out, followed by Emmett. Neither said a word to us as they left the office. We stood and walked out behind them. Still no one said a word. I watched as Carlisle led Emmett to a new, black Lexus. Fleetingly, I wondered where the Mercedes was. Then I went with Alice and climbed into her Porsche. "Do you think Carlisle is mad at Emmett?" I asked quietly as we left the parking lot.

"I don't know how he could be," Alice said. "Especially when Emmett tells Carlisle exactly why he was beating up Mike." Alice sneered at his name.

"That's what I thought," I said.

"I should have stopped him," Jasper said. "But I couldn't. Didn't even want to. That little punk deserved every single punch. How could he give Edward letters from a stranger? What kind of a moron is he?"

"I know!" Alice agreed. "Why would you do that?"

When we arrived at the Cullen house, I saw Rosalie's red car and the new black one were already there. Jasper, Alice and I went into the house.

The scene that met us was heartbreaking.

Emmett was clutching his father, holding him so tight I was almost afraid Carlisle was going to break. But the older man held his son just as tight. "I'm sorry, Dad," Emmett was crying. "I know it was wrong to beat him up, but I couldn't stop. That little piece of shit gave Edward those damn letters."

"I know son," Carlisle held Emmett tighter, completely oblivious to his new audience. "I'm not mad at you Em, I know why you did it. Hell, I would have landed a punch or two if I had been there."

Emmett buried his face in his father's neck and the sobs began to pour out of him. Next to me, I saw Jasper gather Alice close to him as she began to cry. I watched him kiss her hair and run his hands over her back. Rosalie went up to Emmett and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist from behind.

Alone, I went to the couch and sat down, pulling my own knees up and hugging them tightly. Esme found me that way and her arms wrapped around my shoulders.

A long while later, Carlisle let go of Emmett and left him in the safe arms of Rosalie. Everyone gathered in the family room. Carlisle cleared his throat and Esme went to join him where he stood in the front of the room. "I thought you all should know, I traded the Mercedes today. I couldn't stand to look at it anymore."

Oh. That explained the strange new car.

"We also talked to the funeral home today," Esme said softly. "We arranged to have the funeral on Wednesday.

God. My hand flew to my chest, fisting in the fabric above my heart. I tried to imagine my angel in a box, lowering him into the ground. My stomach rolled. I got up and raced to the bathroom.

When I returned to the family room, everyone looked at me with understanding in their eyes. "I think I want to go home," I whispered softly. This day had been exhausting and I wanted to be alone.

Alice drove me home and when I got there, I went straight to my room. I grabbed an envelope that sat on my desk and went to my bed. I sat down and pulled out the first picture and immediate tears pricked my eyes.

Edward's green eyes looked up at me, his intoxicating smile lighting up his face. I stood in front of him, his arms around my waist. My hands covered his, our fingers intertwined.

He was beautiful.

Slowly, I lifted my hand and traced his face with my finger. I remembered the feel of his strength beneath my fingers, the satiny feel of his skin. My fingers went to his lips and I remembered the tenderness of his kiss.

"Hi sweetheart," I whispered. "I miss you so much. Today was so strange. Everything is empty without you. All the chairs where you used to sit were empty. I don't like it baby. Not at all. I want you to come back. It hurts so bad knowing that you can't." Tears fell from my eyes, streaking down my cheeks as I continued to stroke his face and talk to him. "I love you so much." I leaned back against my pillow, still staring at his face, frozen in the picture. I still couldn't handle that this was all I had left of him.

My eyes slid closed and I drifted. Not quite awake, but not yet asleep. I felt a slight breeze, and then I became aware of something light pressing to my cheeks. I breathed in and his scent came over me, strong and powerful as if he was right next to me. I moaned softly. The feathery feeling on my face moved to my forehead, then to my eyes, gently pressing to the tears caught in my eye lashes.

Then, like a miracle I heard his voice. "I love you too," his velvety voice breathed next to my ear. "I will be watching out for you, always." His lips ran along my jaw and I felt the familiar fire stir deep with in me.

I kept my eyes closed, terrified if I opened them he would disappear. "Edward," I whispered, my voice achingly sad.

"I know, love. I know. I miss you too. So much. I wish I could be with you. But I will always be close by, I promise." His lips pressed to my forehead again. "I love you so much." Then his lips trailed to mine and for a few brief seconds I moved my lips against his, drinking him in as he kissed me deeply.

Just as silently as he had come, he was gone. I lifted my hand to lips, as if I could keep the taste of him there. I opened my eyes slowly, but I knew I wouldn't see him. But I could feel him. Like he had said, he would be there. "I love you, Edward," I whispered, knowing in my heart that he would hear. He was my angel. Forever.

* * *

**A/N Reactions to this have been pretty mixed, although everyone seems to like the happy ending better. I completely agree. ****Like you, I much prefer thinking of Edward happy, in love with Bella and adopted by the Cullens.**** But one of you wrote to me and said that if it comes from my heart, then it is worth writing and reading. That meant a lot to me. So even though this is sad, I felt like I had to write it. It was niggling my brain and wouldn't give me peace until I wrote it down. So I hope, even though it was sad, you still somewhat enjoyed it. Thank you all so much.**


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